I met The Bloggess, in person... and barely said a word, damn social awkwardness. I wrote this the next day, but am just now gathering the strength to post it. Jenny, if you somehow stumble upon this, Thank you for being you in public, that is an admirable trait.
I was so very excited to meet Jenny last night. I was nervous for a week thinking in short bursts about ramble after ramble to spout at her. Then I promptly lost more an more of those words as I stood in line waiting to meet her.
It wasn't as though I was scared of her, really, but the prospect of this moment being the only impression I could ever make on her. That if I didn't make an impact I would have failed at properly meeting someone I find inspiring, because this would probably be my only chance. (Below is what I wanted to portray, so it addresses Jenny Lawson directly.)
The book store was crowded, and I was alone, spineless. I felt rushed to express something about why your book and your blog meant so much to me. What I got out was the gist of the most important point I had. That you, Jenny Lawson, are an inspiration to all us weird girls out here. It wasn't the most poignant delivery. And by weird I meant every shy, anxiety ridden, different and honest woman trying to be herself and be successful at the same time. For each one of us that doesn't fit society's mold you are a testament to the possibilities.
You inspire me through the pain of not fitting in. Your journey makes me think, maybe I can contribute and live the honest life I've dreamed of for years. Maybe I do have something interesting enough to share. Maybe my honesty will encourage others. This is what you have given me, not only in your blog and book but also your strength to do appearances despite your anxiety. Here in Oregon you were so funny and still so genuine towering over the fear of being surrounded by so many strangers. Possibly because you knew a lot of us were facing the fear of the crowd just to meet you, to thank you, for being you in public and encouraging us all to do the same.
And now for everyone, the lists:
Things that are awesome about meeting The Bloggess:
1. She understands.
2. She said thank you and my squeaking compliments brought tears to her eyes, meaning even if she's heard it from every other fan we are all important to her.
3. She is Hi-Larious
4. You get to be in a room full of people who are "fucked-up in the best possible way."
1. The manager who promised she knew how to use my camera failed to get a picture of me with Jenny, and I didn't know until I got home.
2. I forgot all the words! Then I cried, happy for remembering the most important thing, that it touched her, but also because I was so mad that I let myself feel scared and rushed.
What I wanted to say to The Bloggess:
1. I DID buy your book! Just the audio version, and that is why I only had a picture, not a book, for signing. I am going to frame it and make people jealous, all the people will be jealous!
2. You should totally be able to pick up BITCH Magazine at Book People in Austin, but you have to ask for it.
3. You are awesome. Your insights about writing, through pain, anxiety, and depression give me a weapon to beat my current career depressions and insecurities with.
One day maybe I will be on tour and Jenny will come to see me. We will laugh at the circular nature of life, the tragedies that made us who we are, and how great it all ends up.